What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
