Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
