bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
