smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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