Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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