The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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