He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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