my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
