I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
