I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
