I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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