I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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