I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
