Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
