I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
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