Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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