Three words: puerto rican gang bang
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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