Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
