my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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