My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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