You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
