This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
