Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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