she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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