tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
