I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
