Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
