u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
