Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
