The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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