the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
