nutella sex= disaster
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
