You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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