i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
