Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
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he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
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Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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