I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
