apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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