even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
