The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize