Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
