I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
