Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
