So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
