Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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