How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
