she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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