You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
