Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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