I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
