let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
