just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
my being single is dangerous.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
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I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
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You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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