No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
