now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
