I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
pop tarts are not kleenex
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
