just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
