No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
