:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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