I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
