Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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