you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
