Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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