There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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