I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
