I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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