remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
