Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
