tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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