Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
