I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
