I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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