my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
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