god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Your penis caused this!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
