chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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