I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
