we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
